In the past few years, I have developed a peculiar habit. Whenever I witness a change in my life, I secretly pull out my memory catcher, fish out the emotional moment and silently put it aside in my box of memorabilia.
I did something similar a month ago on my last ride from the campus to the airport. While the cab was waiting at the crossing, I glanced back at the deserted road of the campus in the silence of the night. There was a sudden surge of emotions when out of nowhere, Stevie Wonder started singing on the radio, ‘I just called to say I love you and I mean it from the bottom of my heart’. And it was at that time I knew I was heading towards a change and I should freeze that moment forever.
So you see I have inculcated this habit of invisibly documenting changes in my life. As I think more about it, I am left more puzzled with this five letter word that has put me on an emotional roller coaster ride multiple times. So I finally decided to make friends with it and solve this puzzle once and for all. Just as I began to follow the clues to learn more about my new found friend, I felt it was just as double faced as us.
At the very first instance, it introduced me to a familiar face that made me smile. It was the face that would pop up every time I would try to voluntarily introduce a change in my life. A change that could be as minuscule as losing body weight to as big as moving to a different country. No matter how big or small it was, I always welcomed it with open arms because it was voluntary. But just as I became comfortable with our friendship, it revealed a lesser known face that dissolved my smile. It was the same face that appeared when I stared at the deserted campus road. It was the face that made my heart heavy. It was a change that was involuntary and therefore was not welcomed.
Seeing the different faces of change, I felt that I could no longer sustain this friendship. It made me reconsider if I should let go of someone who despite being double faced was honest and upfront? Or did it deserve a second chance like all of us? During the prolonged period of deliberation, I realized that change has become an integral part of my life. I had unknowingly held its hand forever. But neither I could be friends with it nor we could be enemies. So considering the twin side of our connection, I have decided to officially stamp this relationship as ‘frenemies’ and appreciate its presence in my life .
PS – I still love my memory catcher and hope to use it more often. 🙂