Daily Archives: July 8, 2018

How to delay the D-day?

Standard

Do you feel stuck in your career? Are you financially broke? Have people given up on you? Are you heartbroken and turning asexual? In short, is your life approaching the great apocalypse?

Well, worry not. This quick fix guide will just delay the D-day and help you have a little fun till it lasts.

Tip#1- Drink it out!
Do you remember the last time you got sloshed? If not, then this is the perfect time to relive such memories! Shake your booty and puke till you can. Let the good time roll because soberness is just too passé when your world is about to end.

Tip#2 – Smoke it out!
Do you have green fingers? Did you ever think of putting them to use by becoming a professional cannabis gardener? If not, think about it. Maybe this would make you a little happy with your career and finances while you smoke your way to make the world a better place!

b4ff5f0e1fecf5c3749cf1171d218de7--calvin-and-hobbes-books-calvin-hobbes

Tip#3 – Flex it out!
So you thought you found that ‘special’ someone who would turn your ‘Netflix and Chill’ days into ‘Mills and Boon’ days? And now you are left with none? Well, the sky is anyways going to fall on you soon, so be a little selfish – don’t share your popcorn and get back to practicing your pelvic moves!

Tip#4 – Block it out!
Do you feel trolled by fellow humans? Do you feel you are judged all the time? Well then, maybe it’s time to block the trolls and adopt a dog. At least he wouldn’t give up on you when you will need him the most.

Tip#5 – Cleanse it out!
Have you been trying to drown yourself in a bucket of water in the hope to attain nirvana? Maybe you owe yourself something bigger than just a bucket to have survived through it. Why not book a beach resort and try drowning yourself in a 20 x 40 pool? Or maybe try the ocean and watch a gorgeous sunset before you submerge yourself?

P.S. – I thought turning a year older would bring me a little more wisdom. I just realized that this time it came packed in the form of humor.

Advertisements